hello!

It has been far too long since I have last posted.
but I am in the process of writing a more lengthy style work, at the moment I am at about 60 pages, my goal is 200.
So this summer I am thinking about going to Argentina with my church from June 10 - August 10, I am pretty nervous, but i think that is where God needs me to be.
So for spring break I wasn't sure what I would do, but it seems to be a requirement that we go on the Tijuana trip over spring break, so you know, I think that is what I am going to do.

I am excited for this semester, it is going to be a hard one, but I think I should learn a lot.
and i love to learn

One life among many

What...
I don't know what i am trying to say. What has our world become? What are we doing?
I am not really being pessimistic, I am just over blogging, and facebook. Someday I will delete mine. Someday.
Maybe just not yet.
Blogs are good, but I think the internet is not.
I am still writing, just not blog style. More like a lengthy-word document style. So for all four of you who occasionally read this blog, maybe you will be able to read my thoughts and see my soul again when it is published.
But for now, remember there are greater things to come than in this life-time, and maybe someday I will blog again; maybe someday we will all move on to greater things than social networks and television dramas..
and start investing our lives in things that matter. Like Jesus and people; relationships, discipleship, loving, serving, saving, protecting, lifting up, and remembering; remembering our hearts, where we have been and where we are going.
That is, and continues to be, my heart my friends.
I love you all very much.
Shalom

Tomorrow Awaits

The story of a tiny time machine
A small girl huddled in a corner
Of dandelion seeds…
Small. Fragile.
Important, but easily lost.
Broken. Swiftly blown away.
A memory forgotten.
My eyes droop
My heartaches
It yearns for the friend I know will not be returning.

Tomorrow it will all change.

Amidst murmur and tension.
A buzzing and humming beehive.
Highheels and perfectly curled hair.
Smiles. Nervous laughs.
Fates are decided.
Futures unveiled.
Destinies written.
New ties will be drawn. New alliances will be made.
Lives will begin to change, to unfold, to transform and infect.
A warrior is being prepared for battle.
The suit has been fitted.
The weapons are being sharpened.
It is the eve of battle.
Anticipation hangs in the air.
Souls ache. Nerves. Fear.
Body groans for answers, for time.
Mind spins.
Heart beat increases.

Breathe.
Breathe.

Things will never be the same again.

She will have a new family.
My heart bursts with emotions I do not know.
I feel some creature clawing
at my insides
trying to escape in rage.
But I am not angry.

Maybe sad.

I do not know.

I miss my friend.
My dear dear friend.
A sister.
But our ties are deeper than humanity.

A dandelion. A warrior.
It is
Change, transformation.

A flower wilting.

But it is not that at all.
A wilting flower is something beautiful no longer becoming so.
It is age. Mourning. Death.
No matter how I try and label it as such,
this is not what it is at all.

This is a joyous day.
A day when the Lord’s name will be glorified.
A day when he will look down

and smile

because his servant has obeyed,
has trusted,
is faithful.

It is like a wedding day
and the groomsmen grieve the leaving of the groom,
of his new life with his bride.
They, as I, have a much smaller picture in mind.
They grieve the loss of a friend,
of the time they had spent together,
of the bond that they are sure will never be the same.
It is true, life will be different, but not worse.
Instead,
they should be joyous on this day!!
Shout from rooftops, clap their hands, laugh, exclaim good tidings,
and let their eyes be filled with tears.
A new adventure awaits their dear friend,
though one they might be a smaller part of.
As with me.
I should not grieve change
or spinning wheels, or transformation or time.
God is at work,
and this is a glorious thing.
To be able to stand by my friend and to love unconditionally,
to be able to encourage and pray,
is a blessing and my duty.
It is my test.

To help my friend face tough times
as she treks peaks I cannot climb,
as she crosses waters I cannot enter.
I can simply stand at the edge and dip my toes in.
Shouting encouraging words into the darkness.
Throwing life vests, and extra rope out after her.
Refilling her supplies when she returns,
bandaging her wounds and refilling her canteen.
This is my job.
This is my joy.
By serving her, I am serving my father.
By supporting her as she seeks his face, I am also seeking him.
In time it will all be revealed.
In time, pain will cease. Loss will end.

But for now, I can only love.
And wait in anticipation for tomorrow.

the end of a beginning

Time flies.

People always say that.


But it is true. Time always passes much quicker in retrospect then in the moment.
I can't believe it.
My freshman year of college is complete.
I don't even feel old enough to be in college, let alone done with the first year.
As I stare at my stark white room with only a suitcase, a pillow, and a few jars of peanut butter that still occupy it, I am reminded of the beginning of the school year. When I first moved in, the room was so empty it was overpowering, it felt like loneliness was clawing at my throat and I could barely breathe. I didn't know anyone, I just sat locked in my room.

And then my roommate came.
And changed my life forever.

This year has been incredible. I have learned so much about people, purpose, and life. I knew who I was before I came, but in college you have to fight to hold onto what is most important. I learned to stand on who I am and who I am going to be. My beliefs were strengthened and I learned, even just a little, how to love and live like Christ.

I couldn't of had a better experience.
I am so thankful for each and every person that God put into my life, that helped transform me, or allowed me to help transform them. It is so good to learn; mentally, physically, and spiritually, along with friends!

I know that friends will come and go
but brothers and sisters in Christ last forever

and eternity is a long time...

This year that became incredibly clear. And I realized just how amazing and powerful that really is.
So anyways it inspired me to write a song, and Aimee and I are going to be preforming it tonight at open mic.
So wish me luck!!!

just a question and a thought

what is it about music that seems right in just about every situation?
what is it about this expression of the soul that is so pleasing to the senses..
why is it so transcendental...
how is it so successful at capturing the human experience? at revealing every spectrum of the captured human emotion
what is it that surrounds your body, grabs hold of your mind, embraces you, protects you, fills you, flows through you, allows you to get lost, be at peace..

To me music is more then just entertainment or a distraction, music is life. it surrounds, it captures it, transforms it, molds it, and mends it. Music is emotion, music is time, space, it is art, hope, love, heartbreak, gravity, and lifeblood. Music is a gift from God
and Coldplay is the story of my life..

rain..

I don't think I could ever live without the rain.

There is something about the way it makes pavement shine
the way it makes street lights glow

The sound of traffic driving through puddles
of footsteps on pavements
of the rain hitting a rooftop
The smell

The smell of rain is enough
fresh air
dirt
grass
and trees
the smell of the outdoors, of a forest, of the rain.

It brings a smile to my face
It fills me with energy
It makes me want to run, to walk, to jump in the rain.
To feel the drops on my face
To taste the coolness
To breathe it in
To lay on my back and just breathe in the rain
until I can't breathe anymore

The rain is enough.

just words...

Words
Written and unseen, spoken and unheard
The flimsy nature of cardboard and paste
How easily things are thrown away
How garbage becomes a home
Cycle of rebirth and resurrection
Recycling words

Stories of kings and queens
In far off lands

Epic battles
Of blood and courage
Heroes and saviors

Becoming one with the sky
A seamless cloud
Floating precipitation
Weightless and dense
Mist and foam

Things easily built
Folded paper airplanes

Fragility of life
Flimsy nature of cardboard and paste
How easily it can crumble

Intensity of thought
Journey of the mind through time and space
Transperancy and opactity
Depth and emotion
Transcending, transformational, and transporting
Effortlessness of dreams
Expanse and resonation of music
Unending lyrics
Repetitive chorus
Respectful and repentive
Harsh and raw
Pure adrenaline
Chanelled passion
Things that stick
Things that stay
Density
Reality
Form and depth
Perception of the unchanged
“My place is placeless
a trace of the traceless.
Neither body or soul.”

Attatchment to the horizon
Endless expansion
Proverbial suburb
Nameless doors
Concrete
Harsh, sharp
Flat, solid
Density
Grey
Heat
Sticky
Confinement
Boundaries
Claustrophobic
Break free

Jump

Into the air
Reach

Fly

Feel the air
Feel the space
Feel the wind

Time and space cease to exist
Nothing exists
But you

And the wind
And the mist
And the air

Breathe
Breathe it in
Fill your lungs with air
Fill it with the sky
And the clouds
And the moon
Breathe in the stars
Breathe out rain
Become one
With the sky
With the air

I am a star

I am the moon
I am the sun
I am the clouds
I am AIR


I am nothing

I transcend nothing
I feel nothing

“My place is placeless

a trace of the traceless.

Neither body or soul.”

Of poetry and lyrics
Nothing exists
In this state of mind
Endless ceasing
Evolution of sensation

Words on a page

Human emotion
To feel
To fall
To jump

To be

The heart
The mind
The soul
To feel a heart beat
To feel Your heart beat
To be alive

To feel
Head spinning
Heart spinning
Blood rushing through your veins
To feel alive
To feel emotion

Senseless
Experience-less

What Sticks

Permanence
Fragility
The delicateness

Of cardboard and paste

Of Paper and Glue
Folded planes
Folded houses
Carefully constructed empires

Water melts
Water dissolves
Fire heats
Fire burns

The beginning of time
And the end of time
Are separated by a single
Dash

My place is placeless
to trace the traceless
Neither body or soul
Nor mind or spirit

Time exists

Life is
Too short to last
What is fragility
What sticks
What is cardboard and glue

Words on a page

My place is placeless
a trace of the traceless.
Neither body or soul.